Although it sounds lofty, there are realistic, achievable ways to implement examples of making amends. Even so, you will have done all that you can to take responsibility for the past—and there’s a level of peace and freedom in that as well. How the other person chooses to respond to our amends is out of our control. Completing Step 9 is the next step forward in recovery, regardless of how the other person responds.
Long after all the relationships had ended, her former live-in partner received a letter from her fling, apologizing for his transgression as part of his amends-making for his 12-step recovery. His attempt at reconciliation exposed the affair that had until then been unknown, ruining the relationship between the woman and her former partner, who had remained friends. I cannot go back and change the past, but I can take responsibility for my actions. Each day I ask my Higher Power for the strength to help me stay sober and live responsibly and with honesty.
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Whenever possible, those in recovery are encouraged to make direct amends face-to-face with those they’d harmed while living in addiction. Living Amends is committed to helping people in the Austin, TX area stay sober for more extended periods of time. However, we do not pay for anyone’s entire stay in their sober living community because we also recognize each person’s need to have stakes in the process. It proves that they are committed to the recovery process. At Living Amends, we recognize the need for sober living in the recovery process. As a result, we’ve developed our scholarship for those seeking a way to pay for this method of on-going treatment.
It’s all too easy for us addicts to shift the blame to people who are blameless, as in, “I got sober, so why won’t she talk to me?” Other people don’t carry any responsibility or obligation to our recovery. Maybe they got sick of watching the addiction destroy us and our family. Maybe they are guarding their heart because they are afraid we https://ecosoberhouse.com/article/making-living-amends-during-addiction-recovery/ might relapse or say something hurtful. After all, years of drug or alcohol abuse will not be undone with an apology or a few simple words. We need to prove to our children that we are seriously addressing our addiction, not just offering cheap words. In early recovery, parents might feel pressured to make up for lost time and experiences.
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Notice the words “right to resentment” and “underserved qualities” in there? It is about what we do despite that wrongdoing, “abandoning [our] right to resentment . . . “. Making amends does not undoing the wrongdoing, just as forgiveness doesn’t undo the wrongdoing. Instead, it is an action we take to compensate for what we have done. Resolve to work at making things better between you and keeping your promises. Give each other space to figure out any new roles within your relationship and take things slowly.
- If you’re untrustworthy and unreliable, come to terms with those characteristics of yours.
- Today, Palm Springs City Council held a special meeting, where they decided whether or not the statue would become a ballot measure at a future election.
- You might go to that person and take responsibility for what you have done wrong, express you deep remorse, and ask what you can do to make it up to them.
In these instances, the best thing you can do is to focus on your behavior and remain faithful to your commitment to live an honest, sober life. As Kessler describes, this woman may decide that her way of making amends is to always answer the phone when someone she loves calls after a fight. Though this cannot undo or directly compensate for the initial mistake, it can serve as living amends that comes through a different way of being in the world.
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Sometimes, the outcome can be uglier and downright disappointing. They may refuse to meet at all or refuse to listen to what you have to say. The only thing we can show people today is our love, commitment and patience. Your efforts to https://ecosoberhouse.com/ make amends may not always go as well as you hope. Try not to respond with anger or defensiveness if others aren’t responsive to your efforts. They have been hurt by your actions, and they may not be willing to forgive and forget.
Just like each person needs an individualized approach to alcohol addiction treatment, your approach to making amends in AA may look completely different from someone else’s. Some people will be easier than others to approach due to the relationship you have with them, how close you live to them, or other factors. In some situations, attempting to make amends may cause more harm than good. And in some cases, you may not be able to make direct amends at all. However, you can still take action in all of these situations to satisfy the spirit and the intent of Step 9 and progress in your step work. Taking these actions helps us to separate ourselves from the disease of addiction.
With all those articles (that you should go back and check out if you haven’t read them), it would be easy to assume we have said all there is to say. But if you are dealing with guilt and grief, you probably aren’t surprised that there is more to say. Somehow in all this guilt writing, we have never talked about making amends with someone who died. Being helpful toward others can mean lending a hand to friends and family who need help moving, checking in on elderly parents, or offering to babysit their nieces and nephews for a parent’s night out.